Make Me Breakfast
by technetium
Summary: A song parody of "Breathless" by the Corrs. See the world of dining hall breakfasts through the eyes of a student, and be afraid.


Disclaimer and notes:  This is a parody of the song "Breathless" by the Corrs, which I do not own.  Original lyrics can be found at lyrics/ the_corrs/ best_of_the_corrs/ breathless/ (take out the spaces).  This also contains scene descriptions for an accompanying music video.

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Make Me Breakfast

(To the tune of "Breathless" by the Corrs)

Go on, go on, make me breakfast  
Come on...   
  
The daylight's bright'ning slowly   
My time at school's not yet begun

I'd go to meet you only   
The bitter wind makes my face numb

[Camera focuses on a college kid curled up in bed under a heaping pile of blankets.  He looks out the window and sees that it's barely after dawn, there's snow on the ground, and gale force winds are bending trees and toppling random shrubberies.  He pulls the blankets back over his head.]  
  
My stomach growls   
To the dining hall I prowl   
Because week-old pizza's foul   
Can't eat it (can't eat it)   
Can't beat it (can't beat it)   
So...

[He gets out of bed and opens his fridge, removing a grease-stained pizza box.  He opens the box, and sees that what was once a pepperoni pizza now comes with a fuzzy penicillin topping.  He sniffs, looks disgusted, and places the box on his roommate's desk.  He then grabs a coat and heads out the door.]  
  
Go on, go on, come on make me breakfast   
Tempt me, tease me until I can't resist this   
hungry feeling, make me long for biscuits   
Go on, go on   
Yeah, come on... 

[The student shivers at first, but then gets a dreamy look on his face as he imagines fresh-baked goods, and he starts running towards the dining hall, arms outstretched in longing.  Passersby look at him like he's a complete psychopath, but he doesn't notice.]  
  
And if there's no tomorrow   
And all we have I'm eating now   
I'm happy just to dine here   
Pancakes are all I need somehow   
  
It's like a dream   
These waffles with whipped cream   
The coffee's soothing steam

Don't spill it (don't spill it)   
Refill it (refill it) 

So…

[He runs around the dining hall like a kid in a candy shop, looking at the eggs, bacon, and Spam, etc.  The other dining hall patrons include a few groggy students in pajamas, a girl trying to steal a cereal dispenser by nonchalantly walking out the exit with it, some athletes who have just finished working out, an engineer calculating the average velocity of swallows, and a group of student dressed as Vikings clustered around an early European history textbook.]  
  
Go on, go on, come on make me breakfast   
Scrambled or fried, these eggs are delicious   
Hot stoves, sizzling, make me long for Bisquik   
Go on, go on   
Yeah, come on...

  
[At first, the other dining hall patrons look at our protagonist like he's a few credits short of a degree, but slowly his enthusiasm catches on.  One by one, the other students stand up and join in the singing.]

  
And I can't lie 

[Solo by engineer]

My mg may be high 

But I want that bacon fried   
I'll bite it (I'll bite it)   
Can't fight it (can't fight it)   
So...  
  
Go on, go on, come on make me breakfast  
Cereal, cold milk, you know I have to have this   
home-grown fresh fruits make a lovely side dish   
   
Go on, go on, come on make me breakfast (make me breakfast)   
Go on, go on, let me eat my breakfast (eat my breakfast)   
Go on, go on, don't take away my breakfast (away my breakfast)   
Go on, go on

[Everyone goes around singing and piling food on their plates, while a psychology grad student makes notes that she hopes will earn her a thesis.  As the song ends, everyone abruptly stops, sits down to eat, and very deliberately pretends nothing happened, especially when the grad student tries to talk to them.]

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A/N:  In the engineer's solo, mg is weight because **m**ass * acceleration due to **g**ravity = weight.  Honestly, I've been singing this song with breakfast replacing breathless since I first heard it, but I didn't finish the rest of the lyrics until recently.  This song is dedicated to Dietrick Dining Hall, which used to have wonderful, all-you can eat breakfasts on weekends.  Sadly, budget cuts forced the college to cut back on food service, and now the only places open on weekends are more expensive, have less selection, and have long lines.  Please review!


End file.
